Trying to Conceive Longridge

I've interviewed many couples facing fertility problems over the years, in my job as a writer and journalist. Almost all of them have admitted that one of the worst aspects of these difficulties is the effect on their sex life. Here's what they tell me:

• Instead of being spontaneous, sex is done to a timetable, regulated by dates, temperature charts and (in some cases) the hormone treatment prescribed by the fertility specialist
• Every time you make love, you think 'I wonder if that was it?'
• You start to wonder if staying still, or moving around, or changing positions, or even doing it in a different room in the house would make the magic difference
• You feel guilty if you don't 'try' or if your partner doesn't want to 'try' on the days of the month you know you're more fertile

If this is happening to you, talk about it. Raise it with your counsellor if you are having treatment at a clinic. Talk about it between yourselves.

Some couples have found that deliberately trying to forget about conceiving for two or three months really helps their relationship. When sex has been something that symbolises and enhances your love for one another, allowing it to be 'just a job' can cause resentment and distress...and drive you further apart. The chances are you will conceive in time - most couples, even the ones still trying after more than a year, do manage to succeed - and it's important, for your future family, that you're united, and loving, as a couple.

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